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'Angels do not eat or drink or copulate, rather they subsist through the breeze of the Throne.'

Imam Ja'far ibn Muhammad al-Sadiq [as]

Tafsir al-Qummi, v. 2, p. 206

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Question : #677

Category: Youth Issues

Subject:	advice
Question:	Asalaam Alaikum, I have wanted to become a better Muslim for some time now but it just isn’t happening. Every time I try to give up a sin and become a better person I find myself running back to that sin and the worst part is that I don’t even feel remorse after I’ve done it which really frustrates me because I really want have fear of Allah in my heart. I’ve been researching a lot about Islam for a few months; even though I was born into a Muslim family I didn’t have a lot of religious knowledge about my deen because my family isn’t practicing. Doing my research about Islam I came across the concept of a ‘dead’/’diseased’ heart. I researched all the symptoms and I have come to the conclusion that my heart is in fact dead and I feel that Allah has placed a seal on my heart. What lead me to this conclusion is that reciting or reading Quran does not affect me in any way which is one of the symptoms of a dead heart. I really want a cure, what should I do? I have prayed to Allah to make me steadfast in the deen, make my heart pure and don’t let the dunya be my biggest concern but I don’t feel the connection with Allah while I am praying. I sometimes cried to Allah to forgive my sins and help me but other times I make dua half heartedly. I also get doubt in my faith, when making dua thoughts in my head appear such as, ‘is Allah really there’. I know these thoughts are really bad and I feel ashamed but this is what I feel and I can’t help it. I am concerned for my akhirah but it still doesn’t motivate me to do good. It’s like I know I’m going to go to jahanam but it doesn’t bother me. I am really all over the place and confused with my thoughts, one minute I do good the next I’m doing bad and it doesn’t bother me. Recently I have been feeling really angry and frustrated with everyone. I don’t speak much to my friends nor do I make the effort to mix with people. I absolutely hate everything like going to school etc and people really seem to be getting on my nerves. I just wish I could be with Allah right now in Jannah and meet him because I am that fed up of life. I can’t wait till this temporary life is over so that the real life can begin but then I think I’m not even a good Muslim so what makes me think I am going to Jannah? Sometimes I even have doubt that I am a Muslim. Any advice, please help. Jazakallah Khair
Answer:	Salaam Alaykum, Insha'Allah I may be able to provide some advice in becoming a better Muslim, and I draw this answer to all who may read it, not just the questioner. The term 'better' is subjective, and relevant to my answer provided below and shouldn't be taken out of context. To get closer to Allah, and actually feel the love that prevents one to commit sin, please ask yourself the three basic questions: 1. Why are you here? 2. Why were you created? 3. What is the goal of life? Imam Ali (as) says, "Allah's mercy is upon the ones who know, where he is from, where he is now, and where is he going" [ther term 'he' is refers to females as well] Remember that Allah (swt) created us for a purpose, "Do you suppose that We have created you in vain" [23:115] and "I created jnns and humankind so that they may worship me" [51:56]. Here workshpip of Allah (swt) involves: - Belief, that we are creatures that are grateful and dependent upon a Creator who contols all aspects of our life, but who gave us freedom in this world to fulfill a responsbility. - Practice, living our lives in accordance to our beliefs. Imam Hussain's (as) explanation of the above ayah [51:56] is "I created jinn and humankind so that they know and understand me" where true workship of Allah (swt) is gaining knowledge of Allah (swt). To gain knowledge, reflect upon His perfect Names, following the gudance (Quran, Prophet, Ahl ul Baty), and practise those acts of worship which he has prescribed that will help us to believe in Him. This act of worshipping Allah (swt) leads us to self purification, success and fulfilling the goal of life. As you mentioned, the aakhirah (hereafter) is a reality that has already been created. Allah (swt) has desribed two extremes, Hell and Heaven. So what is the goal of life? Is the purpose of life to escape from Hell? This reality of Hell inspires fear and a longing to escape from such a punishment - enough fear to prevent one from doing certain things in life, even if one would other wise want those things. Is the purpose of life to gain entrance into Heaven? This reality inspires desire to gain such pleasures - the more workship we do, the better the rewards - enough to prevent one from doing certain things in life, even if one would otherwise want those things. So where are we going, the purpose of life is as the Quran mentions "Surely we belong to Allah, and to Him is our return" [2:156]. Since our return to Allah (swt) is our goal of life, by increasing belief/faith with practice is what we do along the way - gain perfect understanding of tawheed and put that understanding into practice. Duas.

Follow Up
Question:

Assalmunalykum brother.. For your problem I suggest you to hear lectures on series of negative suffering of shiekh khalil Jaffer .just search on Google audio lectures of shiekh khalil Jaffer on negative suffering and download n listen the audio series at bedtime...
Inshallah it will help u out.. Ameen